Moving on

So when I first moved to Vegas I met a woman. She was so put together. She was focused on her family and making them as happy and as healthy as she could. I envied her. I envied her because I was still at the point in my life where it was so easy to get sucked into adult drama. Still at the point where I put more than I probably should have into "friendships." Over the past few years I have watched the small boy go from a tiny little 2 year old to an incredibly smart and talented almost 6 year old. We have added a spitfire of a daughter to our amazing little family. I have been through a lot of shit and the only adult that has been there for EVERYTHING, my "bff," is D.

I absolutely adore the few close friends I have and they are truly irreplaceable. But I feel like I have finally reached that point that envied before. The majority of my focus is put towards my family and myself. Instead of worrying if I was able to make it to the girls night out because I might miss something, I keep to my family nights and my health. I have several issues with health since I have fibromyalgia. I can no longer constantly go out, drink, eat whatever I want and stay out til 2am. And quite honestly that doesn't really sound super fun to me anymore. I love spending time with friends. I do. But it's not important to me to make every single party or night out that any of my girlfriends make. It's not important to me to catch up on who is talking about who or who made a fool of themselves or who offended this person or that person. It's incredibly refreshing to be removed from all of that.

I would not change any of the things I have been through here. I would not change the going out or the drama. Did I enjoy ALL of it? No. But it got me to where I am. I feel like I am a better mom because I am no longer scheduling or attending the endless "playdates" to make sure I don't go nuts and get my friend time in. I tend to get sucked into making it about me. This is not to say everyone is that way. But now that I am not doing the million weekly playdates, I am less stressed, I am more attentive to both my kids, I have more patience with my kids and quite frankly I have more fun with them. They are amazing little people. They are hilarious. They are all kinds of things that I might miss if I didn't spend more quality time with them. I love that I have changed me to be better for them.

I am not perfect and I am not put together by any means but I am more focused on my family and less focused on if I am everyone's bff or if everyone likes me or if I'm in the right "clique" (yes that still exists if you are an adult and it's unfortunate).

My family cooks together. We read together. We go on walks together. We make art together. We workout together. We learn together. We makes friends together. I listen to them. I find out what they want and we make it work for US. Not just for me. And I love that I have recognized the things I was doing wrong and have worked to make them right.

A Time I Had