Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Time I Freaked Out in the Grocery Store

OK So I think we have established that my pregnancy hormones may be getting the best of me. A few days ago I decided to prove it to the public.

I dropped Link off at summer school and went to a business meeting with a club I am involved in. During the meeting I made the executive decision to do something I have been thinking about doing since late February. I decided to stop by the grocery store on the way home and pick up a box of Cap'n Crunch since I have been craving it for about 4ish months now. I was holding out but I let it get the best of me and decided to just give in. After all, I am working out almost every day and my pregnancy weight gain is not out of control by any stretch of the imagination. So why not!?

Oh sweet sugary goodness why do you elude me!?
So I go to our local Fresh N Easy on the way home. I pick up a few fruits and one or two extra things I need to make dinner that night and head over to the cereal aisle. As I am looking at the section where a rainbow puked on the boxes (aka the "kids cereal") I notice an empty spot at the top. My heart drops. Sure enough, the label on the shelf says "Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries $3.99 buy one get one free." It's on sale?!?! And they have no more!?!? NOOOOOOO.

I notice an employee stocking shelves behind me. I pull out my best puppy dog eyes and say to him "Excuse me, you don't happen to have anymore Cap'n Crunch do you?" He replies "No, sorry. Our grocery shipment doesn't come in today." Then, as if he's holding information from me I say to him "Are you sure you don't have like a pregnant lady reserve in the back or something?" "Oh man are you craving it?" he replies. GOOD GOD YES I AM I want to scream but simply reply "Yes!" He commiserates telling me his wife was recently pregnant and he knows how strong the cravings can be. At this point the crazy takes over and I play one of the cards my friends tell me I don't play enough. The "my husband is deployed" card. Yes, the pregnancy card didn't make the cereal magically appear. Let's give this a shot. I look at him and say "But my husband is deployed!!" Let's break down the effectiveness of this statement.
-I still have no Cap'n Crunch
-I now officially look crazy
-I have made this poor unsuspecting employee feel bad about a circumstance he has NO control over.
He asked me a few questions about how I was doing with all that and apologized AGAIN for not being able to magically make a box or two of Cap'n Crunch appear for me despite the fact that I was pregnant and my husband was deployed. 

Yup. I went there. I whined about being pregnant AND about D being deployed to a random stranger because they were out of a cereal I was craving. It. Was. Ridiculous. I know this. I actually floated up out of my body, watched it happening and thought "Oh girl, what are you doing!? You crazy!"

So yup. Fear not. I did get my Cap'n Crunch. It was good. Now I'm pretty much over it. Sorry poor unsuspecting Fresh N Easy employee. Hope the rest of the people that day were less crazy than me!

A Time I Had

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The Evil HOA

OK so I know that some people who read this blog live in the same area and have the same subdivision HOA. They can correct me if I'm wrong (I will kindly ignore it because I am mad... and not just mad but pregnancy mad which makes feelings intensify til you are beyond all reason) but our HOA sucks. A lot. I hate them.

For those who see my constant Facebook updates about every mundane thing that happens to us you know that I have been continually harassed by my HOA since D left. And before then.

Our first issue was that we "didn't have landscaping in our backyard." Which is funny because when we were looking to buy the house in January of 2012 we were commenting on how impressed we were by all the fruit trees and beautiful landscaping in the back. So imagine our surprise when we received a notice that none of that existed. Oh wait, WE HAVE LANDSCAPING!!!! Holy shit. D called them. They argued. He said and I quote "We have fruit trees back there. Would you like some fruit from our fruit trees!?" I have never heard D be that snarky, angry and f***ing amazing all in one minute since I have known him. Anyway we took care of that.

Then after he left they sent me some nonsense about how our address light doesn't light up. This was after I changed the bulbs again. After getting our "second notice to comply" I called them because I had had three dudes look at it, including an amazing doctor who used to do construction and contracting stuff and knows what he is doing. NOTHING works. So I call them up and they tell me "Oh everyone we have sent those letters to seems to be having the same problem." WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE (like I said, pregnancy mad). OK Bitch so why did I even get a second freaking notice to comply. I'm complying the hell out of things. Leave me alone. Then she says she will bring it up to the board and I shouldn't get another letter for at least two months. Um what? The next letter you send me better be you assholes telling me how to fix it or telling me you are actually USING our HOA dues for something other than paper and printer ink to harass us with. OK well that's on the back burner. I am sure I will hear something about my stupid address light again soon. By the way half the neighborhood has address signs that don't light up and on my way to the mailbox today I saw a house that had just ripped the whole damn thing off. I like their style.

This time I received a letter that they did not have proof that we had our satellite dish approved. It's been there since we moved in in February 2012. OK fine. I get it. You have to submit paper for even looking at your house. I'm surprised we are allowed to park in our driveways. So this process takes me forever. I have to submit an architectural application (which they DID NOT include with my compliance letter). Then I got that but I was supposed to include a letter from DirectTV saying the location of our dish was the only place that would receive a signal. After talking to four different people in four different departments they told me they do not send such letters. So I contacted the HOA again. And had to leave a voicemail again... that they took forever to return. She finally tells me they are lying and gives me the contact info for the tv guy that will send the letter. Really? You couldn't do that at the same time you told me I needed this damn letter?! Then after five days trying to contact this guy and leaving messages and getting no return call I contact the HOA AGAIN. A day or two later the lady tells me she sent me the WRONG contact info. Oh good God. I will cut a bitch. The direcTV thing takes roughly three seconds to take care of and they get the letter over about 4 minutes after I talk to them. I love them. Then I call the HOA to make sure they got it. She sounds all confused, says she has it and asks where everything else is. Well you don't have it because I've been getting the run around on this damn letter. Anyway I finally get everything sent in.

Today I get a "second notice to comply" letter about the dish.
I texted a friend to make sure that she could watch Link.
I got in touch with D to see if they could send him home from deployment early if I was in jail.
I MIGHT need bail money.
I decided that instead of taking a field trip with a bat that I would write what D refered to as a "verbal bitch slap" instead.

I might be a tiny bit nicer if I thought our dues were going to things other than just paying the landscaping workers $2 each to cut bushes and blow leaves solely around the gate entrances. But there is constantly trash all over the neighborhood, the common walkways look like overgrown jungles, nothing fun really happens except a 4th of july block party you are required to donate to if you go...

No one pull the "first world problem" on me. Every problem I have is a first world problem because guess what? I live in America. Also, I have child care and bail money pending and I'm not afraid to use my bat. Pregnancy is making me crazy beyond all reason. I am allowed to complain on MY blog. You are not required to read it. Also, this is part of the reason I never wanted to live somewhere with an HOA. I get that it supposedly increases property values and keeps the neighborhood from looking skeezy. But none of that is going to do me any good if I'm either insane or in jail. Just sayin'.

A Time I Had

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Sugar Crash

Today was the dreaded glucose test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. They've changed a few things since the last time I was pregnant. It's not a 2 hour long process involving three seperate blood draws and the same old nasty drink.

Let me describe to you my experience in googled pictures.

My initial blood draw:
Google search: happy dance (most painless blood draw I've ever experienced!)

 How Fetus reacted to me drinking the nasty high sugar drink they make you drink:

Google search: Cracked out ferret

The hour in between my first and second blood draw:
Google search: relaxed (it was nice to have some time to just sit and zone out)

The second blood draw:
Google search: vampire bite on arm (not as painless as the first draw)

What I imagined in my head that the lady doing the second draw looked like:
google search: dragon with a sword (she hurt me!)

The hour in between my second and third blood draw:
google search: super bored (I was starting to feel sick from the drink and I couldn't focus on my book)

How I felt after it was over:
google search: sugar crash (I felt ill. And tired. And like I hadn't eaten anything in a while except for a ton of sugar. Gross!)

How I felt after I stopped feeling sick:
google search: hungry fat kid. (I was starving after no breakfast!) 

The third blood draw was brutal. I have small veins and they tend to move once there is a needle already in them. The third draw ended up with one needle being taken out and thrown away because it hurt so bad when it came out of the vein. I'll have some beautiful bruises there.

Anyway pregnancy is just so fun I could vomit (I almost did after that drink!) But hopefully not too much more blood tests and such as long as they can get my vitamin D levels under control. Maybe I'm just having withdrawals because he's deployed! HAHA. Yes, bad joke. I'll leave you with that. You're welcome.

A Time I Had

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Time for the Positive

Poor Me
So it's incredibly easy to fall into the "poor me" attitude these days. I'm crazy with pregnancy hormones, my sleep is AWFUL, D is deployed, my kid is solar powered and doesn't take naps, my HOA continually comes up with a new problem that I need to fix, and then there is just the every day stuff.

I realized the other day that these are just excuses for me to feel sorry for myself. This is completely unacceptable. There is no reason for me to spiral down into the "poor me I have it so bad" frame of mind.

So here's the thing:
1. Pregnancy hormones just mean that I'm normal. My sweet baby girl is growing and kicking me constantly. Link thinks it's the greatest thing ever. Two growing healthy kids. This is a great thing. Yes, I'm crazy. But at least everyone is healthy.

2. My sleep is awful. But I have a bed to sleep in. I have the ability to sleep sometimes. My kid sleeps through the night. We are safe.

3. D is deployed. But every time he is away I have a chance to reassess. It makes me appreciate when he is here even more. I often see my friends bickering with their spouses. And I remember how I tend to take D for granted when he is here. I've been reading a book and a part of it is "There is only love." Because seriously, the little things don't matter. The broken printer, the kid breaking a toy, the dog getting into the trash, the food not all ready at the same time. There is only love. That's all that's going to matter 20 years from now. All the little crap that we fight over will be forgotten and if I don't treat D like there is only love then I better not expect the same in return.
With him gone I am also able to appreciate how independent and strong I still am on my own. Yes, I rely on my friends and family for some support but I do not have to run "home" to live with my parents while D is gone because I'm scared of being alone with my kid and my house and all the adult responsibilities that come with that. It gives me a lot of self confidence (even when I am heaping on the ground with my hormones crying the my HOA is mean!)

4. My kid is solar powered and doesn't take naps. And he's AMAZING. I have never met a child with more energy and enthusiasm for life. He's sassy and opinionated, yes. But he never quits going and he always wants to hang out with me. That's pretty badass. And with no nap schedule to work around, we can get things done during the day and go do other fun things.

5. My HOA. I can't think of many positive things to say because I still am not seeing where all our money goes to "improve" our neighborhood. And the things they are bugging me about I doubt anyone even notices except their little patrol or their old person spy living down the street. BUT it does remind me that it's good to be here because if I had run back to my parents I wouldn't be taking care of these things and we would most likely be fined. That's all I have on that one though. They have kind of been unhelpful pains in my asses. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So BOOYAH!

6. The every day stuff. I have just begun implementing the "one minute rule." Following this room I will not put off doing anything that takes less than a minute. Like taking a can to the garage to be recycled, filing a paid bill, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, putting a dish in the dishwasher etc. This keeps the clutter from piling up and me from getting overwhelmed. Menu planning helps as well.

So there it is. This isn't a very entertaining post but I needed to write it for me so I can stay positive. Plus, it's my blog and I do what I want.

A Time I Had