Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Lovey Gets Lost

Oh The Humanity
I'm willing to bet that anyone who reads this blog knows who Lovey is. Not only do you know who Lovey is but you have most likely met him if you have ever seen Link! For anyone who doesn't know who Lovey is let me do a little explaining. Simply put, Lovey is the be all end all of security blanket/stuffed animals in Link's little world. If you recall, Lovey took a spin in the washing machine one day and Link almost lost his shit. You can read about that one here.

So it goes without saying that when we went to run some errands and go to the park today only to return home and realize Lovey didn't accompany us on the ride home, we both had a mini melt down. All was well in the world of us today as we spent plenty of time playing at the indoor playground and then at the park this afternoon. When we got home I was unloading the car of a few essential living supplies (you know, like gaming chairs so I don't have to kill my old lady back sitting on the floor when Link insists I play Mario Kart) and I didn't immediately pull Lovey out with Link like I normally do. I didn't panic right away because Lovey has a habit of hiding and giving me heart attacks from time to time. I figured it got thrown in a bag or a jacket or shoved under the seat. I was wrong. I looked in every part of that van. Yes, I am aware that Lovey was most likely NOT chillin' with the spare under the trunk mats. But he's a sneaky little bugger so I didn't count it out.

After a quick call and freak out to D I ended up loading Link back in the van and we went on our Lovey retrieval adventure. Yay. Here's where my sanity just went on a downward spiral of not existing anymore. Have you ever had a conversation with a 2 almost 3 year old? I have them all day long. They make things up. They blatantly lie. They are... creative. And in their world, what they are telling you is real. Most of the time these things don't bug me and I don't think about it. However, in my panicked haze I decided to do some detective work since my memory of events is crap. This is where I began questioning my son.
"Link did you take Lovey to the park?"
"Mmmmm, nope."
"You didn't? Are you sure?"
"I do sure."
"Did you have him in Target?"
"I did."
"Did you leave him at Target?"
"I did."
"Are you sure?"
"I do sure."
"Do you remember where you left him?"
"I do."
"Where did you leave him?"
"I left him up on the... I left him up on theeeeeeeeeeee first path, Mommy."
"The first path?"
"In the Target?"
"I did, Mommy."
"So Lovey is at Target?"

This was a mistake. Don't ever ask your kids things. But he seemed so adamant about it. So I decided to make Target my first stop. We hit the customer service desk for lost and found first. No dice. I then proceeded to let Link guide me through the store. Seemed like a good idea. It would have been a great one since he's the last person that had Lovey. However, I forgot one very important thing. I just brought a 2 year old to Target. I know grown men and women who can't focus in Target. Hell, every time I go there I wander around wanting to put everything into a basket and take it home. So Link's sweet little blue eyes are darting all over the place. Lovey is the last thing on his mind because there are bright colors everywhere and a car here and a bottle there and a candy bag over there. In desperation I am telling my baby "We have to find Lovey or we will never see him again." I. Am. A. Bad. Mom! He stops in the middle of the store, tears up and says to me "I don't want to not see Lovey again!" and looks like he is about to stream tears, waterfall style, all over the store. So I redirect. "OK Sweetie, you have to show Mommy where you put Lovey. Let's go." So he perks up and says "OK! Let's go find him" and bounces merrily off in the direction of the toy aisle. He was not looking for Lovey.

I begin to panic. I am seriously about to break down in tears in the middle of Target in front of everyone. I start imagining the next month and a half without this dang dirty tattered piece of cloth with a monkey head on it. OH THE HUMANITY!!!

I know there is one more possibility: the park. I resign myself to the fact that we are not going to find Lovey but there is still a tiny bit of hope left. So I grab my tiny boy and we head out to the van. We drive the short drive to the park and near the parking lot. I squint but it's windy out and there is, indeed, something near where we were parked. It vaguely looks like some sort of crumbled brown box. As I pull closer the clouds part, the sun shines through and angels sing a glorious song of joy. LOVEY. I have never been more excited to see a monkey with a blanket for a body in my life. We freaking saved him!

So yes, I am a hero. I would ask for a medal but the look on my baby's face when I gave him Lovey after his bath was way better than a medal. I might take some chocolate though...

A Time I Had

Thursday, March 22, 2012

What I've Learned Living in Vegas

A Lesson
So as the majority of you who read this blog know in the last year we have moved from my beloved snowy Alaska to the muggy hot pits of land they call Texas to this moisture sucking desert known as Las Vegas. The only thing I was really told about Vegas before I moved here is that is was hot. Oh and that it was cold too. I got a lot of useful information! I take that back, I had a few friends who knew some useful info but for dramatic effect I'll go with the only thing I knew about Vegas is that is was hot and sometimes it was cold.

Since moving here at the beginning of February I have learned a few things of my own.

1. When people find out that you have moved to Vegas they automatically assume that you live on the Strip... or right by the strip. Yeah. I live at least a half hour from there. I don't gamble and drink til I pass out every day. Sorry to ruin the illusion.
2. No one understands how to do a four way stop. Or a three way stop. Hell, they barely understand a freaking stop sign.
3. If you have your company/employer info advertised on your vehicle somewhere it is apparently the law to drive even more douchey than the average Vegas driver.
4. 10-15 miles over the speed limit is still way too slow.
5. The lane you drove in yesterday? It doesn't exist today. Good luck with that tomorrow.
6. The street with the same name here AND 2 miles away does not go all the way through. To stay on "main" street you have to turn into 1st street then onto star street to get back to main street a block away. (made up street names for an example)
7. U turns are not only necessary but encouraged. I would enjoy this much more had I not just been forced into a mini van with zero turning radius. I miss you Sonata!
8. There is not enough water or hours in the day to stay hydrated here.
9. The desert sucks moisture from everything. Dog poop turns to rocks and you turn into a husk of what once was a human being. I could handle this but as I turn into a husk my tiny son thinks that it would be hilarious and oh so fun to play with the rock poop created by our K9. Trying to keep up with cleaning rock poop so my almost-3-year-old doesn't use it to play catch is hard when I am a husk.
10. If you have a child you will ALWAYS be at the park because there are amazing, eye catching structures at all the parks and there about 789,061 parks just from our house to the grocery store. I needed milk. I also needed a cooler to keep the milk cold because we had to stop at the park.
11. Vegas loves cupcakes. And now, thanks to a new friend, I may end up fat and broke because I found a cupcake place with amazing cupcakes.
12. It can snow in Vegas. True story. The other day I actually witnessed this with my own eyes. I saw snow fall as I watched from my front door. So it melted right when it hit the ground but come on, SNOW! I was so excited.
13. Tree stakes are kind of a big deal. When the wind whips up here it could take out a small human.
14. Trash is inconsistent. My trash comes sometime between 6:30 and 2. The only time it comes later is when I have actually put it out early.
15. Fake grass and AstroTurf are very normal things here. This confuses and saddens my snobby pup.
16. I. Am. White. I knew this before. I did. I knew I was white. And then I turned red. Yes, the sun is intense.
17. I am more vicious than I originally thought. I will cut a bitch at the playground if one more deranged little monster lays it's hands on my child's throat or face (or anywhere else for the matter) again. If you know your kid is a violent gangster, take them to the strip. Otherwise this mama bear is about to start Mommy Fight Club at the park. You need to get off your cell phone and tell your kid to Step Off. Either that or bring a cage with you.

So far those are the only things I can really think of that I've learned about Vegas (and myself!) I'm sure there will be more lessons and since we will be here a while, I've got some time to learn them. On the plus side though, if I do end up in jail or something for starting mommy fight club at the park I've seen a lot of local commercials for lawyers and bail bonds so we're good to go!

A Time I Had

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Week in March

Spring is Here...
Not that it matters that spring is here really but it's a fact and I'm tired so that's what I led with. You like it. You hated winter anyway. You winter hater you. Hate is a choice, my friend. You should be nicer. True story. Anyway let's get on with things, shall we?

Here's my sweet little gremlin in March 2010 at 11 months old:

He was very into pushing things around since he didn't walk til right after his first birthday. As mentioned in the previous post, however, he was still trying to climb things. He was obsessed with balloons (but what kid isn't!?) and was very helpful... like with loading other people's dishwashers and such. He was also starting to really get into having his big toybox full of toys and would stand at it just pulling out everything.

Here he is in March of 2011:
In March of 2011 we knew we only had a few more months in Alaska. Unfortunately this is the month he met one of his greatest little friends, Taylor. Luckily they got in enough trouble together in the short time they had! Ivie was also included in this mischief, of course. He was still obsessed with "no-notes" (aka music notes) and had pretty much mastered his alphabet. He was obsessed with coloring (and leaving crayons ALL over the house for me to step on and adequately grind into the carpet). And he loved to gank my camera and take pictures of everything and nothing.

And this March 2012:

I recently got him a bat and ball to play baseball with since we have an amazing back yard and there are super awesome parks everywhere in Vegas. I figured it would be fun for us. Little did I know I would be out in the overcast, slightly windy cold playing crappy pitcher for 2 hours straight! (I'm not a pro). We all know Link is still big on climbing and anything slightly kamikaze-like. Nothing has changed in that regard... except for the fact that he made a new friend who he decided to show a few Ninja Warrior tricks to. He's constantly asking to go to the park or the playground and is rarely content being inside for long amounts of time. And, true to his pale and nerdy gamer roots, he thinks the sun is his enemy. I quite frequently hear the following: "Ahhh the sun! The sun is trying to get me!" I feel ya, little buddy. I have felt that way for a long time. Must we not forget the great South Padre lobster incident of '06.

A Time I Had

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A Week in February

In Transition
February was definitely a month of transition. We went from the TLF at Randolph AFB (right by the flight line... that was fun) into a three day journey to get to Vegas. We stayed overnight at two hotels, dealt with a completely shredded tire about 15 minutes from our hotel the first night in El Paso (suck it, Texas!), traveled with a VERY talkative two year old, a very nervous drugged up dog, and a ferret who thinks it's funny to poop just as you bust out something to snack on. We finally made it to Vegas only to be stuffed into the tiny boiling TLF. Luckily for us we have some of the most amazing friends ever and Charlie and Stephanie let us crash at their place until we closed on the house. And after 24 days of constant change, constant moving, a few head injuries and one very stressed out me, we got to move into our new house! Oh and then I forgot the part about the moving into the house and unpacking! Actually, scratch that, that part went quite smoothly thanks to a little help from my wonderful inlaws and the chats on the phone with my awesome parents who constantly remind me that everything isn't the end of the world!

And so despite all the stress, the shredded tires, the stinky poop, and the never ending 9 hour-long narration of "Look Mommy, that's a cloud. What is that over there? Do you see that motorcycle? Hey Mommy do you like a dragon movie? I like a dragon movie. That's a good movie. Hey can we watch that movie? Why are you driving? Stop driving. I think we should turn right. Mommy, I want to drive now. Do you see Bazzy? Can you hear him? Did he poop? That smells bad. Where is Lovey? I don't see him. Mommy, can you get Lovey. OH NO! LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! Mommy can you please get me Lovey. I can't reach him. Ahhhhh!" (at which point I literally had to pull to the side of the road to retrieve the beloved Lovey that had fallen between the carseat and the door) we have arrived safe, settled in quite nicely, and are enjoying our new house.

And without further ado, I give you a week in February:

Here is my tiny creature in February of 2010 at 10ish months old

I had taken him to Jitters and he was sharing a blueberry bagel with me while we sat near the fireplace. I believe he was already beginning his climbing adventures. This may have been right around the time D was teaching him how to go down the stairs without killing himself. Nevermind the incident where, as we were showing him this, he tried to stand and rammed his head into the wall...

Here he is February 2011:
Furthering his climbing and acrobatic skills much to our dismay. This is the day we realized that he was too big for his highchair. Or at least, this was the day we realized the highchair was no longer a useful baby product but rather a toddler death trap. We said goodbye to this device of doom shortly after this gem was taken.

And here is my sweet little boy this year February 2012:
This is my little monkey. This picture is special because he has no cuts, scrapes, bruises, gashes or blood on his face! Before you call CPS let me clarify something: My child is a freaking daredevil. He loves to climb on things. Other parents look at me like I am a leper on the playground because I am not hovering over my child making sure he doesn't fall off the ladder that he learned to climb about a year and a half ago while they are there to make sure precious 4 year old Tommy doesn't fall through the space between the rungs. He did, however, almost break his nose about three weeks after this but it wasn't because I wasn't watching him or because he was climbing something he shouldn't. It was mostly because he has my lack of coordination when it comes to walking/running on. the. ground! Seriously. He tripped over his foot and busted his face on a rock climbing wall. No joke. We're special. Today his injury was running into a BBQ grill because he was attempting to move a bike tire. Yup, I have the unfortunate height child right now. You know, the height where EVERYTHING is positioned just right for them to ram their head into when they turn around but it's just tall enough where they don't even see it coming!? Poor baby. At least he still thinks a smooch and a bandaid will fix everything (except for when the bandaid hurts him and I have to smooch whatever the bandaid did). Aw well. At least he's having a fun childhood.

A Time I Had

Monday, March 12, 2012

There goes the wagon

Again with the moving...
So yet again I have fallen behind in my posting and I am going to use a familiar excuse because, hey, it's true. We have been in the process of moving, yet again, and getting settled in our new digs. This time... VEGAS, BABY!

I will be doing my "week in February" and "week in March" posts in the near future. I also hope to do a few posts on life here in Vegas thus far. We shall see how that goes since I am a temporarily single parent to one of the most feisty, strong-willed, opinionated, super-climbing, daredevilish, sassy little almost-3-year-olds in the world. Not that I have many readers but to those who do periodically check to see if I have written anything, fear not! I will return.

For now I leave you with this (because it's so very true)

and A Time I Had