I always suspected that there was a crazy person living inside my son and today I met him. Let me give you a little back story on the events that unfolded this afternoon. I have always been very happy with the fact that Link never depended on a pacifier or cared to suck his thumb. This made parenting much easier on D and I. However, from the get go he was obsessed with blankets and would chew on them instead of using a paci. When he turned one his affections went front and center to a small security blanket we call Lovey.
Lovey is adventurous. He likes to check out the parking lots of stores... up close and personal. He likes rides on stroller wheels. He enjoys being launched into piles of leaves. He likes taking trips atop the dog. Lovey often joins the family for meals and likes to be included in craft time. And most of all, since he's (apparently) pretty kinky, he LOVES to be chewed on.
Needless to say, Lovey needs plenty of washing machine baths. Usually I am able to sneak him in with a load of laundry but this particular time I was unable to manage such a sneaky Mommy move and so I asked Link to help me put Lovey in the "bath." The following then happened:
Link: Lovey's not gonna take a bath!
Me: Yes he is.
L: No he's not gonna take a bath. Nooooo! he begins to jump up and down
M: He's going to get clean.
L: No. He's not gonna get clean. No, Mommy!
M: But he's all dirty and yucky.
L: No he's not dirty and yucky.
M: Yes he is.
L: HE'S NOT. He's nooooooooot he shakes his head violently
It always amazed me how kids can turn a one syllable words into an eight syllable word.
M:Yes he is and he's going to take a bath.
L: Noooooooo this is when the gigantic anime-like tears start to stream down his face Get him ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttt! tears roll down his cheeks
M: What's wrong?
L: *incoherent babbling*
L: *says something that sounds like kiss*
M: What? You need a kiss?
L: still crying I need chickens and dip and cheese and apples. runs into the kitchen I need caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy. Please I need candy. stops crying
I get a pen to start writing down all the previous events
L: suddenly fine You gonna do that? You do that one? I need to draw. I need that (my pen). It's mine.
M: But Mommy needs it right now.
L: It's Linky's. It's Linky's.
M: Why don't you go play trains?
L: I'm not gonna play trains. tears begin to form and are soon gigantic and streaming again Not gonna play trains. I not gonna play trains. I'm not gonna play trains. I'm not gonna play trains Mommy. No! Not gonna play trains.
L: suddenly fine again Draw a dragon Mommy.
L: sudden flowing tears again I'M NOT GONNA PLAY TRAINS!
L: screams randomly and sees a shirt on the table I need to wear this. I need to wear this shirt. runs off with the shirt
---washer pauses to rinse---
L: Is he all clean?
M: Not yet.
L: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH massive tear flow
L: fine again I'm playing trains.
M: Good job.
L: Train tracks. Train tracks. Train tracks. Train tracks. Train tracks.
---another washer pause----
L: It's all clean. It's all clean. It's all clean. It's all clean. It's all clean. It's all clean. It's all clean. like he's freaking rainman or something It's all clean Mommmmmmmmmmmmy. I want a Lovey. I want a Lovey. I waaaaaaaaaaaant a Lovey!
M: Are you OK?
L: I want help the train track.
M: Are you OK?
L: looks up OK. Oh, I am OK like it's a revelation or something!
5 minutes later
Link: Oh, Mommy. I not OK. I need Lovey. and then he runs off
This story has a happy ending in that the damn thing FINALLY got cleaned and dried and my little fruitbat got the beloved Lovey. He squeaked at it for about 10 seconds, threw it at the couch to land on the floor and then left it there while he ran off to play with something else. All that drama for 10 seconds of happy squeaks and then forgotten for an hour. It must be hard being 2. Seriously.
And now, an ode to Lovey:
If we ever lose that dang piece of headed cloth I'm sure the world will end. You know how most people say "If I get on that plane all I really need is our family, my ID and a credit card?" For us you need to add in Lovey. In fact, it might be more important than the credit card.
A Time I Had