Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Put a Muzzle on

Wake Up Call
6:07 AM: My alarm goes off. But wait, I didn't set an alarm. Why the heck am I awake.
*shrill screeching annoying, please punt me across the city rat dog barks*

It's the neighbor's little puntable dog barking it's annoying screechy ear piercing little bark because it wants to come inside. People, it's 6 AM. Let your little gerbil of a dog back in so that every 3 seconds it's not squeaking. My neighbors are the devil, I am sure of it at this point. My body is still sleepy because I am pregnant and in the third trimester my sleep now consists of waking up every half hour because I am so uncomfortable. My mind, however, is quite awake and thinking "I wonder if the eagles have had breakfast yet. I bet they could take off with that sad excuse for a dog no problem." Then I feel all guilty for thinking such things... for about 2 seconds in between the shrill little rat barks. Second three hits and I start thinking "If I went out there (in PJs and all) and trapped it in a box, where would I put it so that I could no longer hear it?"

I am not a dog person. I love my doggy because, well, he's mine. I think he's the grossest most disguisting, most annoying pet I have ever owned but I love him. However, I do not like my neighbors dogs, I do not like any dog the rest of my family may ever own, I do not like your dog and I do not like that dog over there being walked on the street. I repeat, I am not a dog person. So when I am rudely awakened by screechy barks from a wannabe rat dog I am not amused. And when it continues to be annoying for over 20 minutes because my neighbors are the most selfish *insert slew of bad words here* that ever existed it tends to make me violent. I am sure that my pregnancy hormones don't exactly help the matter. Then we have the neighbors on the other side how put their destructive dog in a kennel while they are gone all day. While less of a rat and more of a for real dog, it still has the same sort of bark. Ear piercing, stab a pencil through your eyes kind of screeches... ALL DAY LONG. So since I couldn't get great sleep during the night a nap would be perfect. Oh no missy, you will not be taking your nap.

All I can say is that I hope to dear god that when we have our baby that it keeps the neighbor's awake all night. It's already going to keep us up so I'm taking these dog lovers down with me. >.<

Sometimes I feel like Garfield. I think if D doesn't get home soon I may actually go out, get a box, kidnap our neighbors' dogs and try and send them to Abu Dhabi. I suppose it could be worse though. At least I don't have these feelings towards a person at the moment... though 10 more days without D to calm me down and I may go strangle our neighbors. But that is neither here nor there. Damn dogs!

A Time I Had


- t said...

What an attractive, special Mardi Gras moment that was! I'm with you on the annoying dog front. My neighbors have a nine-bazillion-year-old rottweiler who barks all day because he's blind and thinks people are invading his yard. Damn dog.

Craig said...

this is why i am a strong advocate of only allowing people to have fish and cleaning ladies as pets.